The Official Website of the Commonwealth of Podge XX 2014
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Established in 1969 by Nurik Jive, Omar Jig and Krzysztof Waltz, the highly dignified State of Boogiestan is considered one of the most cultured countries in the world. Known for championing the environment, the main mode of transport is the moonwalk.
The creamy, smooth walls of the temples of Crème Brunei - slightly charred by the hot sun - are a magnificent sight, not to be forgotten. The sovereign nation, despite being located slap bang in the middle of Southeast Asia, insists that its name is pronounced with a French accent.
A scattered collection of tiny islands in the Pacific Ocean, well known as a popular retirement destination for amateur birdwatchers and nautically proficient dormice.
Democratic Republic of Conga
Recently making the international headlines with their D.I.S.C.O. space programme, the DRC are otherwise known for their great rhythm and love of queuing.
A popular tourist destination due to the natural beauty of the black, pudding-like seas that surround its coastline, and splendid toucan sanctuaries. On a completely unrelated note, the national dish is a pork scratching based bourguignon.
Despite conservative efforts to reduce consumption, Feastanbul remains the only nation in the entire Commonwealth of Podge with a GDP lower than that of its BMI, largely due to its primary industry – cuisine – rarely making it to export channels intact.
A very sharing people, Fondueras is populated by a series of communes wherever constantly bubbling volcanoes haven’t made the land uninhabitable. Tourists travel across the world to watch the changing of the Fondueras guards, their ceremonial forks polished to absolute perfection.
Known for its close relations with the United States of Spamerica, Ice Cuba hasn’t really cropped up in world news since the Popsicle Crisis of 1962. A scary time, it wasn’t long before their embargo of refreshing ice treats was resolved peacefully. Their national anthem, ‘Greensleeves’, has become so popular it’s now used by almost all ice cream vans.
The only perfectly round country in the entire world. Jaffastan has a highly politicised culture, with hordes of equally fervent supporters for both the biscuit and the cake parties.
Not to be confused with Jamaica, Jam-aica is part of the Condiment Confederation, split geographically down the centre by the Marmalade Mountains and plagued year round by extremely sticky, humid weather.
Japancakes is the most acrobatically proficient nation in Podge, something that has arisen out of necessity more than anything else. Their cultural obsession with stacking objects meant that no one in nation ever invented the ladder. Instead citizens climb onto one another's shoulders if a high place ever needs reaching.
Formerly New Old Zealand, formerly Old Old Zealand, Old Zealand is infamous for its main export of oversized eggs and a national ban on air travel, rendering it an entirely flightless country.
Located on the convergence of two tectonic plates, Piberia’s geographical history has an intimate relationship with the movements of the Earth’s crust, which within a week can shift between lattice, double, single, short and à la Mode.
Prance’s history took a turn during the reign of the mad King Cuthbert XIV, who replaced all of its cobblestones with eggshells. Cuthbert’s founding of the Sashay Institute might have been a disaster, but has actually turned Prance into a powerhouse of ergonomic efficiency.
Republic of Samosa
Officially the Independent People’s Protectorate of Samosa, formerly known as Great Western Samosa – is a country encompassing the western part of Samosa Island. The Republic has been an independent state since the great Chutney Wars of the 1890s.
A small, but proud country that – despite its size – can pack a mighty punch. Shotland is particularly lauded across the Commonwealth for its unparalleled railroad infrastructure, largely thanks to the 1988 introduction of the 24-hour Jäger Train.
Despite an almost constantly wet climate and widespread buoyancy epidemic, Snacklantis ranks third highest on the 2014 Gross National Happiness Index, not least due to the government sponsored elevenses programme.
As a nation, The Spritz like to think they’re neutral – a tall, chilled kind of people with sparkling personalities – but they can get pretty opinionated after a few drinks.
Prone to earthquakes, St. Jelliér has adopted the novel solution of constructing all buildings out of gelatin. The Jellians quickly learnt to introduce sprout flavouring into their building codes to ensure that no one woke up to find that their house had been eaten.
Due to the excessively winding nature of its streets, most citizens of St. Pretzelburg will get lost at least once a day. Before the invention of GPS, it could take members of the city-state as many as two days to get from the northern districts to the southern ones – making for an understandably salty populous.
The Silly Islands
The Silly Islands are part of the Billy Archipelago, located in the South Pacific. The nation is best known for its scientific innovation, with advances being made towards marmalade powered cars, self-lifting dumb bells and sunglasses for dogs. Unfortunately, none of these projects are even close to completion.
Virgin Beverage Islands
Home to the beautiful tomato juice geysers of Shirley Temple national park, the VB Islands are home to a peaceful and friendly people. As the designated drivers of the commonwealth, their diplomats are extremely popular at any summit they choose to grace with their presence.
Embroiled in a long and bitter dispute with Eastern Nipples, Western Nipples is still worth a visit every now and again – though typically advisable outside of winter when immigration is firmer. The Nipples Chambers of International Justice, Nipples Palace and Nipples Gallery are all popular destinations.
Due to the once popular belief in Yogurtslavia that there’s such a thing as ‘good bacteria’, the High Senate decided to forgo any form of immunisation program. As a result only the ten strongest and healthiest citizens remain. On the bright side, having inherited absolutely everything – they’re now all billionaires!
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